If that was your dad, he is hot
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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