yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
