I'm lost and stupid without you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
