There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
