ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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