You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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