trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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