peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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