Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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