I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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