I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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