My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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