I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
