$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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