You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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