Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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