i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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