It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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