I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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