I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
