I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
