i wish starbucks made bloody marys
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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