I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
false alarm, still single
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