3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Randomize
