So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
