just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
