i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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