He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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