We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just forgot I was standing up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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