one two three fourrrrnication!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize