everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
