somebody snuck up and got me drunk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
