I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
