Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
