Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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