dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
