should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
