I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
