I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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