a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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