On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
