I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
