He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
