I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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