you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
