took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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