I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
