You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
