im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
