I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
