i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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