love makes seman taste better
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
