you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
