Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
