it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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