arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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