i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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