She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
