I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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