and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize