just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
