My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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