Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize